BGR Issue...

Have not been blogging for ages... Feel rather frustrated. It seems like everyone around my age is attached and getting married. Feel the urgency and pressure to get attached too. Not that I am desperate, but I really pray that I can find that perfect one destined for me.

I know God has His timing, but sometimes I just get kind of impatient and despondent waiting for that one. Yet at times we just need to be more proactive, but then at the end of the day we get hurt; what the point? I don't wanna get upset but this thing is making me depress.... I think BGR is my 自命伤ba. I guess God is teaching me to be strong emotionally.

Maybe at times I am really not confident about myself; so unsure about myself. HE want to teach me to be more confident. So that I will be confident to face everyday challenges, so that I can face difficulties with my prospective half.

Maybe I still need to learn to be more expressive, to learn to express myself more accurately, so that when I am in a relationship, the way I speak and express myself will not ruin the relationship.

Maybe I am not as beautiful and slim enough to attract the other party. Man are visual animal as people always says. I am spending money, trying to lost weight and catch up with my fashion sense. That's my commitment to reach my goal!

Maybe my character or behaviour sucks, that why no man is attracted to me? I am not girly and feminine enough. But I am fun to be with!!! Perhaps, guys will only like to be my friends cos I am fun, but not consider me as their future girlfriend. But changing to someone whom I am not is so painstaking and fake? As time passes, I realise I am so desperate, I don't mind changing myself to suit the taste of what guys are looking for in a girl. Sometimes, I like the new change, but many times I will question whether that is me or not? Am I being myself or am I trying to imitate somebody else.

I am so trapped! I know I shouldn't become who the world want me to be but who God want me to be! It's not easy, but i will try. God, give me the patience, wisdom, strength and determination to be who YOU want me to be! I need your grace and mercy. Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all things shall be added undo me!

I will confess the positive!!!